Saturday, October 30, 2010

It's Time!

We're nearing the end of 2010. It has been an interesting year so far. Though the very best for me is yet to come. Very, very, very soon! :)

Somewhere around after my previous entry in March, I experienced some changes in my body. I felt weak, nauseated, unable to focus and just plain tired. I have never felt such way in my entire life. It happened every morning while I was at work, while furiously finishing or checking drawings. It did occur to me, 'do i really seriously hate my job to be feeling like this?' Which was of course not the case at all. Deep inside I knew my body was changing it's course in life to accept a new life within.

After about a week of feeling yucky, I took a home test. At this point, I was still in denial thinking I probably just caught the flu or some mild virus. I wasn't planning on it. I somehow felt like I was still young (albeit being 29) and I haven't achieved anything yet in life to be taking on a huge responsibility for the rest of my life. Yet I took the test. I had to know. And I got my answer. I was pregnant.

I spent the first few days in a whirlwind of emotions. I was scared, excited, worried and curious all at the same time. I booked an appointment with the doc and she confirmed I was in my 7th week. A week after, I went for a scan and gushed at the scan prints. Wow. Subhanallah. Praise Allah at the tiny life growing inside of me. So tiny and so fragile. I was overwhelmed with joy by now and accepted that I was going to be a mother in November 2010.

Living abroad, I didn't have my parents, relatives or close friends within reach. I had so many questions on what to do and what not to do during the early stages of pregnancy. Talking to my mom on the phone was just not the same as having her in front of me, giving me advice. I had a lot of chat sessions with my cousin Zurien, asking her about her experience when she was pregnant. I think I may have sounded a bit paranoid about a lot of things from food to hospital visits that she said to me, 'Relax. Everybody gets pregnant everyday. It's a normal thing. Don't worry too much'. That helped. I started to take things one step at a time and just enjoyed the ride.

I learned a lot about pregnancy through books and the net. Like I mentioned before, I had no one around to ask. Alhamdulillah, thank god that I had a normal pregnancy and everything that was happening to me was exactly how I read about it. My morning sickness stopped at exactly 12 weeks and everything went smoothly from there on.

I first felt my baby kick at around 20 weeks. I had read that sometimes when you prod your tummy, the baby will respond by prodding you back. So one night, I was lying in bed and wanted to check out if this was true. I put my hand on my tummy and gently pressed down. A few seconds later, something nudged me back. I almost cried. It was the most beautiful thing to have that first interaction with my baby. I called for my husband and told him to do the same thing. And baby responded again. It was a lovely moment.

Fast forward, I am now in my 38th week. Hard to believe I have come this far. It has been a wonderful journey I will never forget. I loved every single minute of it and every single movement the baby makes. When I first found out I had conceived, a friend had told me she misses being pregnant. At that time I just wondered how can anybody miss being sick and feeling bloated for nine months? And now I understand completely. Once my baby is born, I know I will miss feeling him (yes, it's a boy!) inside of me, being so close to him, talking to him and worrying each time I don't feel him move or kick me (to indicate he's well and fine).

Being pregnant has taught me the love and sacrifice of being a mom. And how our mothers felt when they were carrying us. And how much we sometimes hurt them with our words and actions growing up. I hope to teach my son well about love and respect and I want him to grow into a beautiful person. Just as beautiful as how my pregnancy with him was.

My due date is on the 8th of November. I would love that date, as it's the opposite of my 11th of August birth date. But I've always had the feeling I will be delivering earlier than that. I had a 'show' yesterday morning, indicating labour is imminent. So far, I haven't felt any signs of starting contractions yet. Which is good, as I really want my husband to be by my side when I go into labour. He will be arriving in KL from Dubai on early Monday morning. I've been whispering to baby to wait till his daddy comes home. I think and hope that's what he wants too.. :)